This coming holiday weekend, my partner eryc and I will celebrate our relationship with a commitment ceremony at The Woods campground in Lehighton, PA.  

This will be a completely casual ceremony (shorts and shirts are fine-- less is more!) at 1pm on Sunday afternoon, under the white tent at the clubhouse.

So if you'll be around next Sunday afternoon, we invite you to join us for our special moment in a space that so much of us love so much.

We'll have some cake and champagne for toasting our new lives as legally recognized partners, but this will be an otherwise informal affair.  No gifts are expected or desired (unless you want to bring additional alcohol to keep the party going)!

I hope to see you there… after all, I want witnesses when eryc promises to love, honor and OBEY! 

 

President Obama has taken a step no US President has taken before him (including Clinton)... he's officially proclaimed this month to be Pride month for LGBT community!   (It's not the repeal of DADT, DOMA and other life-changing and discriminatory practices, but it's a start!)

http://www.whitehouse.gov/the_press_office/Presidential-Proclamation-LGBT-Pride-Month/

 

It’s not surprising that lots of leather folk enjoy gay pride month.  After all, like Halloween, it’s one of those few occasions where we can put on our gear in public spaces and be applauded for it (instead of getting funny looks or threatening gestures). 

 

Pride events celebrate the adage that more is more… and what’s the leather scene about, if not for taking archetypes and play to excess?  If it’s not fun, it’s not worth doing.

 

For the past few years I’ve taken the easy way down the gay pride parade route – on the float sponsored by the local leather bar, The Bike Stop (which was also the sponsor of my title contest).   Imagine no walking in the crowded streets AND getting free booze… all while people on the sidelines applaud you for doing absolutely nothing except for remaining standing despite the occasional bumps in the road.  If only life could be like that every day!  (Well, it is on weekends at The Woods campground, but that’s another matter.)

 

At any rate, I genuinely look forward to this year’s celebrations.  After all, I feel like a different man today than I was last year.   No longer in a relationship that constrains me or makes me feel like a “less than,” I’ve been learning to feel good about who I am and what I’ve accomplished, and to accept failures or missteps as a part of being human.  In short, to be proud of myself and of those around me for all the beautiful and messy things that we are.

 

These days I’m astounded by how much baggage I had been wallowing in, not even aware of it until words flooded my computer screen while writing this column.  Despite being a proud dom top, I’m surprised nobody slapped me. 

 

When I felt like my life was out of control, my body image was critical and a central focus.  I talked about it a lot.  No doubt, too much.

 

I was not able to control whether my husband said “I love you,” and I was not able to coerce a hug out of him without feeling even worse about myself (after all, I would question what kind of person has to ask his partner for affection or beg for an occasional compliment or even an acknowledgement of appreciation).  But I knew I could at least empower myself to change my own shape—to alter the contours of my figure.   

 

Without putting it into words, I was operating under the mantra: If you can’t change your life, you can at least change your waistline.  And so I did.

 

Pathetic priorities, I suppose, but hindsight is often closer to 20/20 than what we can see in the present. 

 

The most amazing thing, I think, that happened as I shared my story was receiving feedback from others who could relate in their own ways.  As personal as my story has been (obviously), I knew I wasn’t in this alone.  I knew I had support, and simply telling my truth was supporting others, who shared their first steps toward personal empowerment.

 

In my last column, I questioned whether there was such a thing as a gay community any longer and argued that there is a far more likelihood of a leather community.  Certainly there is a more defined leather culture than overarching gay culture. 

 

And for some time now, as I felt myself getting stronger and having a healthier sense of self, I could recognize others reaching out to comfort and offer support, even when I wasn’t strong enough to accept it.  I thank them all, deeply and sincerely.

 

In doing my public outreach and sharing my insights and weaknesses, successes and failures, and offering a few hot demos in the process, I discovered time and again that I have the ability to entertain, to educate, to arouse and perhaps even to inspire.  I’m getting much more comfortable with the spotlight.

 

I’ve been told in the past that I was oblivious to people flirting with me.  I’m probably still a little daft when it comes to that, but I think I’m getting better.  At least I’m more open to the possibility, even if I’m not altogether comfortable (or competent) with “cruising.”   

 

I’ve gone from feeling isolated (along with my loving boy, eryc) to feeling connected; from feeling vulnerable and unworthy to feeling like a leader.  There has been a symbiotic healing, a collective sense of values and ideals and support that I never imagined that I would feel a part of.  And isn’t this the very essence of community?

 

Occasionally I still hear from my IML classmates.  Our time together on the title circuit allowed us to bond like victims of natural disaster, or at least a fraternity hazing.  One leather brother recently asked me about how my new house was coming along and how I was doing maintaining my body.  What a marvel to admit that my butt is a size or two bigger than it was this time last year, but that I’m not freaking out about it!

 

Last weekend at camp I actually went out drinking shirtless (harness only) and attended a party in a wrestling singlet.  True, I still had a little anxiety about it, but these are things I never would have done before (at least, not without a Xanax or bottles of vodka!).

 

I also ran into a fellow IML classmate at camp, someone who I’d once considered a friend but who I felt alienated by during the title circuit, and he made a comment about how he was no longer in shape to do circuit parties, a year after IML.  I was blown away.  In truth, he looked so much better to me now than he had then.  He looks healthier, sexier, and happier.  And when I told him so, it was his turn to be blown away.

 

His disbelief in his handsome good looks made me want to weep for year of brotherhood lost (mostly because this was a man who seemed to have it all, and I just couldn’t get past my own garbage for a year to not resent his good fortunes).  And now it just felt so good to speak again, to pay a truthful compliment, to wish him well and (most importantly) to mean it.

 

He’s a good man; any resentments that I’d felt melted away seeing his insecurities exposed.  I used to think of him as having it all—and I certainly hope having it all includes my friendship, as we continue to move forward.

 

A year has past, and lots of things have changed besides me.  

 

The local leather club, Philadelphians MC, will be having their pre-pride social at a new venue on Saturday, June 13. The new location,

200 S. 12th Street

(this is the same club that hosts the popular WOOF! Sundays), is where a new weekly leather party will be kicking off on Saturday nights.  The “Get Laid” parties will be hosted by Philadelphian member Steve “boy shark” Mercer, and replaces the Get Out and Get Laid parties that he hosted at the Bike Stop along with 2008 Mid-Atlantic Leather SIR Andy Liu. 

 

I don’t know the details behind these changes, but it really doesn’t matter.  The local leather scene is changing.  It’s growing in some ways, morphing in others.  I suspect it’s for the best, and also that it’s inevitable. 

 

Will leather folk going to another venue have an impact on the Bike Stop Bar?  Maybe. 

 

I argued in an earlier column that leather folk have a responsibility to patronize and support leather-friendly businesses, and not simply to expect them to make donations and offer handouts without supplying their business with funds to do so.  I stand by that.

 

Sometimes, however, businesses need to show their respect and gratitude for their patrons.  A good business knows its market, understands what its customers want, and offers it to them at a valuable price.  Perhaps a little competition for our community’s dollars will stimulate both the new venue as well as our long-established leather bar, which has been home to our community for so long and which, hopefully, will continue to offer home to leather men and women and bears (oh my).

 

Time will sort these things out.  All I know is that on Saturday, June 13, I’ll be with my brothers at their new party location.  And if the Bike Stop follows their tradition for the parade, I’ll be up on that raised platform truck, listening to their rock tunes, waving to the appreciative crowd, drinking cheap (but free) liquor, and celebrating more pride than ever.