This past weekend I did an interview with Kalvin of "Hello Waffles" podcast infamy. 

This SF cutey known for his stream of consciousness rants with $10-words (yes, he is a cutey with a large, er, vocabulary), can be found on itunes store (search for "hellowaffles" without a space) or via his blogpage: www.hellowaffles.blogspot.com/

Happy listening, and I hope you enjoy.

Scott

 

Last month I tackled the “how-to’sâ€? of rope bondage, but this month I’m tackling something a lot more knotty: community event organizing!  

As followers of this column are aware from my shameless promotion of the event, I organized my first community event on March 8, a kinky carnival at The Bike Stop to contribute to the CLAW Nation multi-city fundraising tour and to raise funds for The Attic Youth Center, Philadelphia’s only non-profit organization specifically created to meet the needs of LGBT and questioning youth.

And I’m proud to report that response to the event resulted in raising $1,127 for Attic Youth, and pushing CLAW Nation funds raised over the $10,000 mark.

Just as running for Mr. Philadelphia Leather 2008 taught me a lot about myself, organizing the carnival taught me quite a bit.   I’m sharing some lessons learned, in no particular order, in the hopes that it may assist others in their event planning and community building.

1.       Have clear, concise and explicit goals—and share those with potential volunteers, sponsors, etc.

My carnival goals were simple: 1.) not humiliate myself too much with my public speaking; 2.) have at least four play stations for attendees to amuse themselves; and 3.) raise at least $1,000 for The Attic Youth Center.   By sharing these goals with others, I was able to get other people to take microphone time at the event, staff the stations, and exceed our fundraising goals!

If people do not understand what an event is about, who it’s targeting, what it’s offering them, how it’s serving the community, etc., it will not be fully embraced and supported.   Your purpose must be clear and relevant, and you should be able to explain how your mission can be accomplished.

If you’re having an event about building and rebuilding community, it’s important to (whatever degree possible) include or represent all aspects of the community you’re trying to build.   If you are preaching about inclusion, you certainly want to extend invitations  to all segments possible: gay leathermen and bears are so much easier to find than leather lesbians, “boys,â€? The Next Generation (TNG), and multicultural participants.   And yet if we want to build community and connect with one another, we need representation for all at the table to contribute to find our common values and perspectives.  Without that, we will be forever fragmented.  In this case, if you can’t bring together the diversity of experience that truly represents the current leather/kink community, it would seem to me that one goal for the event might be to determine how to achieve greater inclusion next time.    

2.       Know your landscape: What else is going on in your area?  Are you creating conflicts or building synergy? 

I specifically chose March 8 for my event to leverage the attendees of the Mid-Atlantic Leatherhood Forum, which ran March 6-9.   After all, why limit my fundraising to locals when I could also tap into wallets of out-of-towners coming in for the Forum?  Additionally, a Saturday evening carnival would free the Forum organizers from having to plan a Saturday evening event.  It was a win-win. 

In hindsight, I might have worked with the Forum organizers to waive the $5 donation at the door to participants.  Forum-goers wanting to try extra stations would still have to pay for additional tickets or put out cash for the raffles, but it would have been additional value that I could have added to the Forum experience.

3.       Know your audience: Who are you targeting, what do they value and what are they willing to pay? 

As much as I love my town and its people, Philadelphia as a community is very generous in spirit, but not always equally generous with their cash.   I took a chance in doubling the cost of the raffles usually charged at our carnivals, because I thought the prizes were great and the cause was important.  I suspected that Philadelphia would pay the same for raffles that other cities and communities get away with if they were given the proper incentive.

Sometimes what it all comes down to is taking our best guess at what people value and how much they’re willing to pay for a product or service.  In this case, and to my great relief, Mr. NJ Leather 2006 Tom Savage’s great attention to raffle purchasers made them feel that the service (and raffle prizes) were worth my asking price.

The $50 Forum price tag might have been too much for a first time event in our town.  It’s unfortunate that there was no kind of a la carte option that would have allowed local community members to make a donation at the door of the Forum panel discussion and sit in or participate, or to pay a lesser rate for the formal dinner.   This might have helped to build community, even if it raised less for the charity.  Chalk it up to lessons learned.

 

The issue of pricing is a tricky one, particularly because it’s tied to value. 

 

I define value as something (service or product) that people are willing to pay for.  You might like something, but unless you’re willing to pay for it, it’s not valuable.   In the case of the raffles, I got lucky and people were willing to pay (and many of them would probably claim to have gotten lucky, too!).  

 

Forum registration numbers suggest that what was being offered was not equal or greater to the price being charged.  It’s very important to understand that this does NOT mean that the Forum wasn’t valuable.   It simply means that the target market did not believe pricing was right for what was being offered (or the way it was promoted).    Would response have been greater for the same offerings but a different charity?  Would the response have been greater for the same charity, but different offerings?   I don’t know.  

 

But my guess is that if we managed to get a porn distributor to sponsor the event and have François Sagat offering an erotic act or Colt models participating in a leather fashion show inspired by Tom of Finland, there would have been at least double the participants at the Forum regardless of the weather.   If you create an event that people really want, they will come.   The trick, and it’s a hard one, is to figure out what they really want and how to give it to them.

4.       Admit what you don’t know… or, perhaps, that you don’t even know what you don’t know!

Although I’ve participated in kinky carnivals for years now, I was really over my head when it came to organizing one, and I knew it.  So I reached out to friends and strangers alike for advice and for volunteer participation, and I asked businesses and organizations for their support and donations.  To my surprise and delight, the response was very positive.     

I was very fortunate in getting support from Ms. Philadelphia Leather 2008 Carlota Ttendant and members of the Philadelphians MC, Argonauts MC, MAsT and NLA, as well as businesses like Passional Boutique, 12^th Street Gym and Hands On by Dean.   I couldn’t have staffed the play stations or had as many raffle prizes or auction items without them, and by delegating announcements and raffles to Brick (of MAsT) and Carlota, I was able to focus on what I do best—zap people with electricity and light them on fire.   And, wouldn’t you know it, by the end of the evening I wound up enjoying my own event that had me crazed earlier in the evening.

5.       Ask for help. 

It doesn’t matter if you’re a Sir or a sub, a Master or a slave, we are all in this together, and you can’t have a successful community event by yourself.

Many of us have problems asking for help.  It makes us feel weak, perhaps, or less in control.  Or we’re afraid of being rejected, so as a pre-emptive defensive measure, we don’t bother to even ask for help so we don’t have to face hearing people telling us “no.â€?

In my case, which is probably common to first-timers, the more I realized I didn’t know, and the more I felt overwhelmed, the more tightly I instinctively wanted to hold on.  As a new captain on the ship you feel out of control and turn white-knuckled while holding onto the steering.   Ironically, it’s that stubborn holding on and rigidity that can drag an event down and cause it to sink. 

On the evening of my event, when I was completely overwhelmed by the carnival set up and knew crowds were growing downstairs, I finally did what came unnaturally:  delegated to others and allowed folks more competent than me to steer the ship.  And because of them, we made it to our destination. 

I had no idea how talented and gifted and willing my friends—and even strangers—would be, and how much less stressed I could have been had I delegated more upfront!    A volunteer approached me early at the event and asked why I looked so stressed.  When I responded that I was overwhelmed and felt like I had no idea what I was doing, he told me to call him next time.  He was a regular event planner and he would be able to take that off my hands or work with me until I was comfortable.  I found this time and again: I didn’t even have to ask for help, I just needed to be open to it.

It might not take a village to create a successful event, but the more community involvement you can get, the more interest there will be and the greater likelihood of success.  And sadly even the best ideas can deteriorate without the right support. 

6.       Be positive.

An event planner/organizer has a responsibility to be his event’s biggest advocate and cheerleader.   If you are asking others to provide volunteer time, energy or funds, it is an absolute obligation for you to protect their investment. 

So how do you do that?

First, if you encounter negative messages about yourself, ignore them instead of fanning the flames. Even if you’re in the right, don’t escalate someone else’s problems and issues.    If you don’t respond, they’ll shut up and look ignorant.   (It’s probably worth noting for folks who play the victim or martyr role, intentionally or otherwise, that pity and support are not the same thing.   And pity might be strangely soothing emotionally, but it doesn’t make for a successful event.)

Second, if you encounter negative messages about your event, consider your response carefully and reply in a positive message.   If you are wrong and are called on it, admit your failings.  We’re all human and we all make mistakes.  People respect those who admit their mistakes and learn from them, and we resent those who stubbornly refuse to acknowledge the harm that they’ve caused when it’s altogether too obvious.  If you’re right, share your good news but don’t gloat. 

Also, never let your audience see you fretting over your event, at least on the front lines.  When you have the right team to support you, get their help or use them to vent.  But on the bar floor or hotel ballroom, remember that appearances count, and it should all be good!

The bottom line here is that events are like people, and  we are most attracted to positive energy.   When you go to a bar, you’ll notice the folks who are surrounded by the most people are those who are smiling and having a good time, because positive energy can be contagious.  Positive energy is attractive for community events too—and you want people to feel good about supporting your events.

7.       Be completely honest in advertising and promotion.

 

Promoting a carnival where the suggested donation at the door is only $5 is easy—you don’t need to promise much to get people coming through the door.  If you spank them, they will come. 

 

When the event is larger, or when the price tag is more, there’s an inclination to promote an event in such a way that suggests that it’s bigger than it is.   If/when your attendees realize that the price of your event isn’t as valuable as they thought, it creates ill will toward the organizer and the event itself.   Depending on the timing of this realization, it may not impact your first event, but your next event might suffer from that backlash.

 

A number of events were identified on the Forum schedule and promotions, but the general public had access to all but two Forum exclusive events (the panel discussion and formal dinner).   I believe the local community would have been much receptive to the Forum had the message been clear that A.) This event is designed to promote discussion and build community; B.) Proceeds will benefit the Leather Archives Museum in Chicago; C.) In addition to two exclusive Forum events, there will be a CODE party the night before the Forum, a welcoming reception and a closing reception, to which all are welcomed.  What a great and completely honest picture that would have painted!

 

Offering this kind of transparency for future events will build greater trust with the community moving forward.  People don’t mind paying for something that they believe in and want to support—but unless you’re at a piss party, don’t pee on their feet and tell them it’s raining.   They won’t stand by you the next time, unless they’re into piss.

 

On the other hand, if you give folks a great time and a good value, they’ll come back again and again, and hopefully pay more each time.  Good will breeds good results.

 

8.       Pay attention to details.

If someone has paid you money for an event, they consider themselves your customer (and customers are always right).  Customers expect and deserve to be valued.   And it’s usually the little things that cause them the biggest grief.  For example: 

·         If you are creating name tags or other custom items, be sure to have someone spell check names.   If you’re willing to take their money, you should be willing to look twice at spelling.

·         If someone hasn’t provided you with a title, don’t assign one to them.   It’s better to identify someone simply by name and offer to add a title upon request than to wrongly assign a title.  When you’re wrong, it comes off as disrespectful and rude.

·         Be sure that your customers know to what they’re entitled.  Clear communication will help them get the most out of your event (whether it’s a free tee-shirt or discounted drinks) and not make them feel like they were misled or taken advantage of if they were expecting more.

 

9.       Where appropriate, celebrate your successes, recognize others’ work, and admit lessons learned.

 

As soon as I got home from the carnival (after 3am), I counted the money raised and sent out an email to all volunteers, thanking them once again and letting them know how their efforts contributed to a successful event that raised $1,127 for charity.   I later sent notices to the leather yahoo groups for NJ, Philly and titleholders, as well as to the press folks who supported the carnival with advance press (namely HX Philly and www.edgephiladelphia.com) and made a point to recognize the groups that made it possible.   

 

It’s one thing to be successful, it’s another thing for people to be appreciated and to have their success recognized.   It not only feels good for you and your volunteers, but the publicity helps to attract or secure volunteers and sponsors for future events.

 

Keep in mind, of course, that when you recognize efforts, that you recognize all.  Thanking some volunteers but not all is a sure fire way to alienate future volunteers. 

 

You should also be specific when thanking people for their contributions publicly, so others know exactly what their contribution was.  Not only is this giving proper credit, but it will also help diffuse hurt feelings when someone that you’ve forgotten (and invariably you will forget someone) wonders what others did that was so valuable, compared to their own efforts.

 

(By the way, I’ve heard positive feedback only about the carnival and how it was run, but it’s possible that I’m not hearing negative feedback that is out there.   If you have feedback to share, positive or negative, I welcome the chance to hear it.  Please contact me directly at sir@scottdaddy.com.)

 

The highlight of the Forum (at least for me) was the Saturday afternoon panel discussion,  which had some interesting history lessons on where we’ve been as well as observations about where we are now as a community.  This is very appropriate, given the theme of the Forum was “Reconnectâ€? and was all about reconnecting to ourselves and our community.  The panelists and attendees all graciously agreed to be recorded so that the discussion could be made available to people unable to attend.  The discussion is being posted on my “Leather Boundâ€? podcast on iTunes and is available for direct download through the blog homepage: http://leatherbound.libsyn.com.   

 

10.   Constructive criticism is not the same thing as negativity.

There’s been a lot of talk in the local and national community about combating negativity and ego battling.   This is a serious issue, and one that probably deserves it own column.  But we should also recognize the importance of being able to offer constructive criticism to improve, fix or heal ourselves and our events.   At work, I have a rule with my staff—everyone is entitled to identify problems, but they must also identify a way of fixing it or identifying the next step in finding a solution.

 

Throughout the day of March 8, I heard Forum attendees lament poor turnout by locals (the organizer estimated in an online report that there were about 30 registrants).  Some folks blamed the turnout on apathy or negativity in the region while others blamed the weather.  There was probably some truth to all of those theories.    But instead of saying, “Why aren’t more people here?â€? and coming up with excuses (valid or otherwise), why not ask, “What could we do next time to bring more people here?â€?  Single-handedly we can’t beat apathy, negativity or acts of God, but surely we can brainstorm and come up with valuable ideas that will increase attendance in 2009.

 

The goal to not be negative is a good one, but it should not be confused with being complacent when seeing wrongs.  If a leather Daddy is strutting around naked in public, and you acknowledge aloud that the  leather Daddy is wearing no clothes, it’s an observation and not a personal attack.  It’s not being negative to point out wrongs.

 

I’m heartened that that we have so many people in the leather community who feel so passionately about what they do.   Whether motivated by altruism or self-interest, these community leaders and organizers are dedicated to building community, and sometimes their ends justify the means. 

 

But whether we’re organizing or participating or watching by the sidelines critically, we all need to stop personalizing everything.  

 

When I started organizing the carnival, I first felt like people who said ‘no’ were not supporting ME.  But the carnival wasn’t about me at all.  It was about CLAW Nation and The Attic Youth Center.  The more I let that sink in, the easier it was to ask for and to accept help.

 

For those who are on the sidelines (which is most of us) as well as organizers, it’s equally important to remember that a criticism of an event is not the same thing as an attack on the event organizer.  We fall into that trap all the time, it seems.  And what happens?  Constructive dialogue devolves into a battle where people feel compelled to take sides, and the community is fragmented further. 

 

Consequently we all lose, no matter who saves face.

 

11.   Be accessible.

Different events require different levels of accessibility and accountability. 

 

For the carnival, I needed to be available to volunteer staff (or potential volunteer staff) and sponsors, and I provided all with my email and cell phone.  For patrons, I needed simply to provide date/time/location for to show up on the day of the event along with the requested donation.   To promote the event, I posted ads online and  yahoo groups and list serves, was a guest on a radio show, and distributed fliers at bars in New Jersey and Philadelphia, as well as events that I attended. 

 

For larger events that require registration and prepayment, more is needed.   In today’s age, it’s naïve to think that you can hold a large event without having an online presence and an online mechanism to capture registration and payment.    There needs to be a place that potential sponsors and attendees can go to see event details (where, when, cost, etc.) , to provide background on any guest speakers or participants, and to pay online.  (If someone pays up front and no refunds are offered, it doesn’t matter if there are torrential downpours or cancelled flights—you’ve raised for your charity regardless.) 

 

Having this kind of online tool can prevent a single organizer from being overwhelmed by being the sole funnel of all communications about event details and keep focused on the strategic mission.  

 

Whether it’s a website and/or hotline, it’s important to note that every person who wants to learn more about an event but can’t find it online, or can’t reach the organizer by phone or email, is a lost opportunity.  In truth, each lost connection is probably multiple opportunities missed because each possible attendee probably would bring a partner or friend or more.   A single lost connection could also mean a loss of thousands of dollars in sponsorship.  Even worse, it could breed lingering ill will towards an organizer or an event when people feel that they’ve been ignored or dismissed. 

 

Furthermore, online services are also a great opportunity to collaborate. 

 

For instance, had the Forum collaborated with a local leather club which currently offers online registration for events and online payment information capture, there might have been more buy-in and participation by local leather clubs and less work involved for the organizer!    It also creates an auditable paper trail for money received, which leads to greater system of accountability.  This is a win-win opportunity that didn’t happen for 2008, but hopefully will be remedied in the future. 

 

12.   Be accountable.

 

When we ask people to pay for an event, or to volunteer for a fundraiser, they have every right to know where that money is going.    As an organizer, we must be prepared to document wherever possible what money was received and where it was spent.  Silence on these matters is disconcerting and leads to (generally inaccurate) gossip and bad feelings. 

 

Leather leaders have a responsibility to support each other, yes, but also a responsibility to keep each other accountable.  A stain on one of our events can bleed into others.   And whether local, regional or national, leather events and particularly charitable events are like a play scene: if you’re going to be successful, you need to have trust.   

 

If I’m going to make a donation, I want to know where it’s going.   I don’t give my money away blindly.  As community members asked to contribute to an event, we have a right to ask questions.  And as organizers of events, we have a responsibility to be forthright about expenses and fund allocation.    

 

It’s unfortunate when organizers respond to questions about event registration numbers or funds raised as if it were a personal attack.  Sometimes we’re just curious and ask questions.  Sometimes we want to know if others are doing better than us, so we can figure out how to improve.  There are many reasons for people to ask questions, and personalizing these questions is a surefire way to derail the train.

In scenarios like this, two unfortunate things are probably occurring: 1) the organizer is probably taking the event too personally, which undermines both the event and the organizer; and 2) even if the organizer doesn’t have something to hide, the public perception will be that he does.  

 

Time is short and in today’s economy, cash is particularly tight.  Organizers need to be smart about deciding what an event will be about, what they hope to achieve, what their goals are, etc. , and whether there’s a market willing to pay for what they’re offering.   If we want better attendance, we to create affordable events that meet community needs and still allows us to fund our charities.  And we need to establish financial transparency, so we can build on the trust to gain even greater contributions into the future.

 

If we do this and take our due diligence, the community should respond.   And, hopefully, not only reward us for our efforts, but the bars, sponsors and advertisers that allow us to get our job done.  We need to support each other, and that includes those businesses that serve us.   Again, we’re all in this together.

 

13.   Be compassionate.

 

My biggest lesson learned wasn’t even specific to community event organization.  It’s simply this: it’s time we started to show a little more compassion for one another and not just our event beneficiaries.  

 

I witnessed some appalling behavior this month, some of which personally hurt and offended me. 

 

But bad behavior doesn’t usually just happen.  There’s usually a root cause.  When people act out, they are usually hurting or damaged.   Many of us wear scars that cannot be seen, and we do the best that we can (or the best that we think we can).  

 

When slighted by other people’s bad behavior, I know I’m at risk of reacting at a visceral, gut level to what I see, hear or perceive, without understanding what’s all behind it.   In short, I’m responding to a symptom, not a cause.  Doesn’t that sound ridiculous, or like a ridiculous waste of time? 

 

Let’s use an outrageous example: if someone’s screaming because they’ve caught themselves on fire, you don’t stop their screaming by speaking with them slowly and quietly try to calm them down—you do something to put out the flames!   

 

Likewise, you’re not helping a situation in the community if you respond to someone’s cries without understanding why they’re crying.  

 

So here’s my message:  We all deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.  If you see someone acting out, show compassion and do one of two things.  If you don’t have patience or energy to stop and find out what’s really going on, ignore them.  Even dog trainers will tell you that if you don’t respond to bad behavior, dogs will stop acting out.  Bad behavior in people is no different; ignore someone at the bar who’s being obnoxious and they’ll shut up because they feed on the attention.  If you don’t feed them, they’ll go away.   While this won’t solve the problem (and let’s face it, we’re not responsible for solving everyone else’s problems), at least you’ve done nothing to escalate the problem or increase someone’s pain .  If, on the other hand, you have the patience and energy, nurture them.   Take care of them.  We all need to be cared for, and cared about, and that’s the true nature of community.